Relationship and companionship

Do you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend? Then you certainly must be floating on cloud 7 for now. Being in love feels great: All you want to do is think about your partner all the time and would like to be with him/her day-and-night. Having common grounds is a good basis for a relationship. But it is just as important that you remain true to yourself and do not neglect your own interests, hobbies and friends. When you know and trust each other better as a couple, a good balance is often reflected.

When a relationship becomes difficult

Relationships can change over time. They can grow and become tighter the more time you spend together. However, some relationships can develop in a different direction. If you get to know each other better, you may also notice unpleasant characteristics and habits of your partner. Then it can so happen that you don't get along so well and argue a lot or just want out. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and both of you have to pitch in, if things are to go well between you.

However, some relationships can take an entirely wrong turn. Then you may be in a relationship that does you no good.

What are the red flags along the way and what can you do is explained in this text.

Got more questions?

If you still want to know more about something, just contact our online consultation service or come to one of our counselling centres. Here, you can get answers to your personal questions!

Signs that you are in a relationship that does you no good:

Your partner

  • is very jealous and possessive.
  • doesn't want you to spend time with your friends or family.
  • wants to control you. He or she tells you who you can meet, where you can go or what you should wear.
  • wants to know constantly where you are or demands that you keep in touch.
  • reaches in your mobile phone without your permission and reads your messages
  • constantly bashes you down and says that without him/her you would be nothing.
  • makes you responsible for all problems in the relationship.
  • makes all decisions for both of you and does not take your opinion seriously.
  • often makes false accusations. For instance, he/she accuses you of cheating for no reason.
  • threatens you or scares you. For instance, if you are not of the same opinion, you are afraid of the reaction. He or she often loses control.
  • uses violence against you e.g. grabbing, pushing or hitting.
  • urges you to have sex, is brash or hurts you.
  • is very insecure and constantly requires you to prove your love.
  • often threatens to break up
  • does not accept that you have ended the relationship.

If two or more characteristics hold applicable to your partner, you are probably in a relationship that does you no good. What step is the best to take differs from person to person. But one thing is certain: Something has to change. It is important that you talk to someone about your relationship. It could be friends, family members or teachers. If you want anonymous advice, you can always reach out to our counselling centres or contact our online consultation service.

What should be done?

The best way is certainly to break up and distance yourself from the person. This is not always easy. Sometimes you feel torn and you may not even notice that the negative feelings and events in the relationship have long since overtaken the positive ones.

If you want to end the relationship and are afraid of the reaction of your partner, you can also end it by SMS or message. This is the safest way in case of doubt. If you absolutely want a personal conversation, then it is best to meet in a public place. Take a companion with you who is waiting on the sidelines.

If you decide to stay with your partner, you should talk to him or her about the fact that something needs to change in your relationship. Be sure not to jeopardise your safety in any way. For instance, it is a smart move good if someone else knows when you are meeting with your partner and they can reach you during the meeting.

Is your partner violent and you are afraid that he/she will hurt you? You can get help from the police or organisations like Frauen gegen Gewalt or the Hilfetelefon. (Violence against women /Hotline)